you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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