CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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