k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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