I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
