Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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