1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
