Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
