They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
