It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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