I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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