There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
