Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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