how can u be prego again
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
