I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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