saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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