nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
