I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
