apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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