Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
