Need sex. Gaining weight.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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