the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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