I hate your face
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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