Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
