We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
