omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
