Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
