dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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