then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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