those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
FUCK WHALES
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
