I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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