1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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