my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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