so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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