laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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