Only a mothe r could love this liver
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
