So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
