I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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