the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
