1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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