dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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