is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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