Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.