no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him