oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring