Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dating After Heartbreak
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?