let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
