We're facebook friends in real life
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
