I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
