The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
