i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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