She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
someone owes me an orgasm
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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