Don't you send me to vm
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
