dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
