3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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