I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
