my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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