every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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