I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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