Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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