I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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