I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
