Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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