I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
