Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
