i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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