he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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